Tha LiFe Of ThA LinZo

Today I got a Mazda Protege.. Its old but itll do yup.

So today was cool I had a counseling appointment and then the lady made me go file for a new restraining order. Mason stood up yesterday all by himself for the first time. Hes doing something new everyday now, its crazy how fast they grow up. Sometimes I wish Eric could see him. I wonder where Ill be in life in 2 years.

I am sooooooo freaking tired. Dealing with a baby alone is hella hard and on top of that all he does is cry now. Its so frustrating!!!! Its hella hard to even stay calm and everything is about to get hella harder because I start work on Wednesday and Im going to be going to school too, i have hella appointments and I have to somehow get Mason to daycare and then get to work and I have no car....my mom isnt getting me a car anymore so everything that I thought was gonna go goood just went to shit. Im gonna be waking up at 4am just so ill have enough time to walk mason to daycare....

Well even though Im sad stuff is actually going really goood for me!!! I start work on Wednesday at Ralph Lauren......To bad I cant afford anything there. And I go in to get assessed for college on the 10th and Ill figure out what school Im going to go to, Im hella excited. Im gettng a new car probably sometime next week so that will make everything a alot easier too. I just need to get all my crap out of my old house. Well thats all folks

Im hella depressed.
I thought I had everything. Well I did. I had the perfect boyfriend the perfect baby the perfect house and the perfect relationship and now the way things are going youd never even be able to tell that things used to be.....perfect....I reallly miss Eric but Im not going to let him get away with hurting me this bad... If I did that would just show that I think its alright for someone to do bad things to me and its not....I wish there was no such thing as steroids because they made him so crazy. He didnt even look the same.. well thats all

I love my lil Mason! he smiles and giggles now all the time hes hellllllla cute. Im so happy I didnt turn into a complete FAT ASS after I had him cuz I sure thought I would...I never thought Id be able to wear my regular pants again but I CAN!! I guess it really paid not to be a fast food freak like some people get! And on top of that I came out with two little stretch marks! what a blessing.......Well I hadda gooooood day today I went and hung out with Luc in Pinole then went to Erics yayas house and had the most grossest lunch ever!
Tommorow I get to go get my tickets to Vegas and 6 tickets for a champaigne cruise, I dunno who Im gonna invite yet. Eric of course. Im hella excited to spend my 21rst birthday in vegas!!! Claire called me today tooo, and I never hear from her so that was nice...

I nvere knew hitting ur head hellla hard coulde mess u up so bad.
I saw sparks and hellla bright light when I hit it and then when I woke up there were hella people around me holding me down...
But besides that Stoneyford was the shit

This is the bestest Valentines EVER!!!!!!
Nothings better than a brand new dirtbike, new shoes, a new outfit flowers candy and a card!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wooooo hoooooo I love my bOO!
And I get my next tattoo in 10 days!!!

Its fucked up that ur own friends would steal from you.......I swear to god I am going to beat the shit out of this dum bitch and she knows who she is cuz she srole my shit...fucking slut

Oh yea and I just wanted to say FUCK SUBWAY! The only reason people lose weight on that stupid Subway diet is because they give u like 3 pieces of meat and stuff the remaining space with lettuce....Youre better off buying a fucking salad

I thought Id just write about my wild week ....
So last Wednesday night, the unthinkable happened...I went into labor 7 weeks early!
Me and Eric were arguing and he left my moms and I couldnt get a hold of him all night....At about 8 o clock I thought my water broke and I started having contractions...I totally freaked out cuz I couldnt find my bf and I thought he was gonna miss me having the baby so I called his mom and told her that I thought I was in labor...She thought I was just playing games with Eric cuz we were fighting and making up that I wa sin labor...So I told her not to worry that my brother and his gf were going to take me to the hospital...but she kept insisting that I wait for her and "Jack" to come inspect me and that she didnt think I needed to go to the hospital...So my brothers telling her dude somethings wrong im just gonna take my sister to the hospital and theyre trying to get me to get out of the truck and I seriously knew something was wrong so I was like NOOOO i need to see a Dr.. not your husband whos never been to medical school....So I go to the hospital and sure enough Im dialated 2 cm and now having regular contractions every 2 minutes....They told me if i wouldnt have gotten to the hospital when I did that they wouldnt have been able to stop my labor and that my babys lungs wouldnt had bbeen developed and that he wouldve been really sick and put in the NICU...I know my body I think im in touch with it pretty well and that Id know if I was in labor....Why the hell would I waste everyones time and make up something like that...????Thats just insane and it pisses me off that she thought I was being dramatic to try and get Erics attention...I know how to get his attention and I dont have to go to the extremes of faking labor to do it!! How do u fake going into labor anyways??? Well I guess i had the whole hospital along with all the doctors STAGED!!!! So I ended up getting hospitalized for three days....it was awful...I had tubees and Iv's and had to stay flat on my back and they gave me 2 big shots in my butt that stung hella bad to develop Masons lungs incase they couldnt stop my labor. They had me on magnesium for 48 hours to stop my contractions and it dialated my blood cellls so much that i swore it was like 150 degrees in my room and kept making them turn the air down even lower and open al the windows....Even though eric was in my room with like 3 blankets wrapped around him..But I was just being dramatic......FUCK
welll i hope everyone is goood cuz I am great and my baby shower is in 3 1/2 days and Im more excited than I was for my taco bell birthday party 10 years ago!
Peace

Wow...I am heLLa pregnant. I went from a size 34 A bra to a 36 C in a matter of months and my mom said she thinks theyre gonna keep growing! Holy shit! I look in the mirror at my new boobs and IM just like HOLY SHIT these arent real! I never in my wildest dreams thought id even be a 34 B!!!! I sent out all my invitations today...All 52 of them! I hope poeple actually come....Im scared people will get the invitation and throw it away or forget or something.. That happened to my friend Allonna. Only 3 people showed up...How sad. I know my famly and good friends will remember though so I guess thats all that counts! I just want it to be a big ol celebration cuz its for my lil mason and im sooo excited to welcome him into the world and i want everyone to be excited tooo!I really wish Kim and Larissa could come to my shower thatd be the Best!But theyll both be here in december so hopefully Ill pop then and itll be even better if they're here to see him! Thats all for now....How come no one writes in this thing except me? I have no life...I know

Im not happy right now. Everything seemed sooo perfect, and now everythings just slowly falling apart. I know its not going to work in the future too...I just have this instinctive feeling that I get that always ends up being right but for some stupid reason I always choose to ignore it, and I always end up being the one to get hurt.
I don't even know where to start...I just know that there's something wrong with the picture if someone is locking their pregnant girlfriend out of the house and leaving her with no car, and no money telling her to walk from Vacaville to Fairfield on the side of the road,and doesnt even have the decency to call her and tell her that he doesnt plan on coming home that night because hed rather get drunk and not deal with anything than have some common sense to realize that theres a 20 year old girl walking around outside who is 6 1/2 months pregnant with his child with nowhere to go and its night time....Am I being dramatic or does that just sound wrong?
On top of that, I had a doctors appointment yesterday that Ive been really upset and nervous about for over a month, because it had to do with finding out some news that I probably don't want to hear ever again. My boyfriend had to work so he wasn't going to be able to take me, but when he got the day off and I asked him to please go with me because I was scared...he wouldn't. He couldn't even be there for emotional support for me when he knew how scared I'd been. Hed rather work on his dirtbike than help someone who reallly needed him and thought he cared enough to be there for her that day...When he scraped his knee in his dirtbike accident I was by his side night and day trying to make him comfortable and help him keep his house clean, and Id only known him for a little over a month. Now its a whole year later and Im pregnant (without a doubt that its anyone elses baby) and he cant even be here for me for one appointment that probably wouldve lasted only 20 minutes? I thought the relationship wouldve grown stronger by now but I guess the only thing thats growing is this baby that he could care less about and my anxiety and confusion about what I should do to keep my head up instead of it being involved with his childness and immaturity. Im sick of being soo stressed out, I dont want to be stressed out and I try not to but theres just so much anger and regret built up inside of me that when I get pushed so far I just burst. Id think he could at least be there to help me with simple things like talk to me when Im feeling down, hold me when Im feeling lonely and do simple things to help me around the house. I know he works his ass off everyday to support us, but I cant do all the cleaning I used to be able to do anymore. IM not even supposed to use cleaning chemicals but I do everyday anyways because Im not a big enough slob to want to live and breathe my own dirtiness.I mean is it that hard to pick up your own laundry off the floorr? I mean I can hardly bend over anymore but I still pick up my clothes as well as his...along with everything else he manages to leave around the house carelessly and not stop to think that I might be getting more pregnant and getting more tired and not be moving around as good as she used to and maybe...just maybe i shouldnt be working myself as hard when i have SOMEONE who shouldve started helping me months ago with simple everyday things like doing the laundry....I dont feel like I ask for much, but when I do I always get it shoved back in my face or made to feel like Ive created a huge burden on SOMEONE because I only work a part time job and dont even make 1/2 as much money as them..But sorry,Im not the one with the mom who will pay for me to go join a labor union and on top of that Im not physically capable of working a job that pays that much because I know I couldnt lift any of the equipment anyways. Im not a big burly dike bitch who can pave roads and drive tractors.....Sorry thats just not me...If moneys such an important issue why dont u go pimp some hoes or something or find some baller buisness bitch who satisfies ur criteria and who will care about u as much as i do because honestly i think ive began to fall out of the caring category..which is good because u seemed to have a long time ago....enough said im out

This week has been one of the best in my whole life! I moved into my new house and its sOOOOOOOOOOO much nicer than that piece of shit jail cell of an apartment that I used to live in...
I actually have cupboards and enough cupboards and space to put a bunch of random ass shit that I dont even have because there werent even cupboards at my old apartment so I couldnt have a bunch of crap. My baby room is hella cute and Im hella excited! But the thing that just topped my week off is I got my new dirtbike last night! Its so tight!!! Its a Crf250......(racebike) eheeem...yup and its hela clean and fast and i cant wait to have this baby so I can go ride it...amen

I am leaving Fairfield and moving to the stix. Im moving into a house on Friday if I didnt tell anyone. A three bedroom two full bath country home in Vacaville....There arent streetlights out there so its gonna be hella creepy, especially when Im home alone...But oh welll. Anywho the penis inside me now has a name. Yes A NAME!!!! His name is Mason Ryan. Thats right, so if u don't like it.....(like most people).....then save the negativeness for someone else or hey, just have your own dam baby =) SO ive been watching two new comedians on Tv...DAne cook and this guy with a show called the mind of mencia...That shit is so funny that I almost pee my pants everytie I watch either of them.
I am so mad at my chicken rat of a dog. She jumped out of my arms the other day when I was trying to put her in the car, and landed in the street. She just laid there with her mouth open and her eyes closed and her head all funky and i Freaked out and started screaming and ran into my moms house and yelled "Binkies dead" and my mom was all WTF hella loud and strated screaming and I guess my mom scared her cuz she opened her eyes like what the fuck was that...SO i put her down and she started walking all funny so I took her to the vet and had to pay an $80 emergency visit fee and when we got into the room my drama queen ass of a dog was perfectly fine and started runnning around barking like nothing even happened....Bitch
The vet lady told me my dog is "hypoglycemic" so now I have to feed my dog 8 times a day and make her eat half a jar of baby food and eat little chicken hot dogs...I guess that dog has to be spoiled to survive though so whatever..I luff her
peace

No one ever writes in this thing anymore...=( Just me I guess....Well anyways, April got me a job at Century 21 and Im so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its just on the weekends but it'll give me extra money to save or spoil myself with since my boyfriends new thing is spending the money until it runs dry....Im still looking for an easy job to work on the weekdays too so I can save up some money for my baby. My baby is now due on Christmas!!!!! Im so freakin excited! The doctor told me that he is very healthy and that he looks like hes going to be a long baby. AHHHHH... I guess long is ok but if hes wide then that's scary. ERics stepdad hurt my feelings today.... I already have my whole nursery picked out and Ive already bought it and he calls me and was like " laura and I found this really cute dinosaur (WTF) bed set and wanted to klnow if u wanted to change your nursery..." Im like um.....NO!!!!!! I have my heart set on the nursery I picked out. I love the nursery that I picked out its freaking adorable to me...And he says well....do u think the baby's even gonna like that??? HOW RUDE! Hes a baby and if I want his room to be lambs stars and satin his room will be lambs stars and fucking satin....The colors I picked are soothing and relaxing and calm and I like it so if no one else does I dont care and all u people who dont like it can kiss my ass, because hes my baby and Im his mom and WE LIKE IT!!! dang i dunno where Im going with this I just have that pregnant rage again....It usually comes when IM hungry ad thats like all the time...lol....I can be really sensitive tooo....I almost cried when I saw Hollys baby for the first time and he wasnt even mine!!!!! I bet Im gonna bawl my eyes out when I see my boy...IM so xcited, I wish itd just go by faster!!!!!!!
Another reason Im excited for my baby to come is I already am getting a new dirt bike! Im getting a CRF 250......race bike bitches ... Im getting it from Louis Cupp its a 2005 and its hella clean hella powerful hella tight and hella better than my boyfriends bike. YEEEEEEEE!!!!!
K well Im outta here for now
Write u beezies!

My little Milo died....binkie is so sad=(
I just got home from Forresthill..I was sick like the whole time from the altitude...Looks like IM not going to Silver Lake in August anymore...I dont think I can handle the elevation...it's like 7,500 feet. I've never had a problem with altitude until I got freakin pregnant... IM passing Algebra..go figure..I hate Algebra and Im passing it in Summer school... I am selling my dirtbike and my car to save for my new CRF 230 fund....yea...IM almost there...woopty dooo

I had a heLLa good week.....and its only gonna get better!!! YEE!! This weekend me and Eric went on a lil road trip.....We went to cache creek, then we went to Reno and stayed in a hotel and the next day we went to Lake TAhoe.....It was hella fun....Matt propsed to shireen and it was so perfect it almost made me cry......My boyfirend got super faded so i decided to do a nice little makeover on him and paint his nails and do his eyeshadow....When he woke up he still didnt know he had makeup on and matt came to wake him up and he answered the dorr....."all made up" Ive never laughed so hard in my whole life...Oh well he deserved it....
yesterday I felt my little one move for the first time...It felt like my stomach vibrated right below my belly button...It surprised me, but it was awesome...
Last night Eric bought me a summer dress thats hella cute and a pair of shoes to match from macys..I love the outfit so much!!!! I cant wait to wear it this weekend!! I actually have boobs to fill out a dress like I got last night now so Im juiced...Tommorow night Eric and I leave for LAke Tahoe again and we'll be staying in a little cottage in incline village..pretty snazzzzzzy huh...oh hell yea i already know....We have to go to his brothers wedding...wooo hoo im freakin thrilled.....Anywho....my tummy is starting to really show...its growing really fast..IM sooooxcited...... Im selling my car now...My boyfriend gave me his honda accord cuz he bought a ranger....so thats tight cuz my car was like a beaner go cart.....welll it is time to go eat some chicken peace

Hi Live journal land!!!!!!!!!!
I havent been on this thing in a minute but I have internet now, so I can go back to my old internet nerd ways! YEEE! So besides school, I dont have really nothing new going on except I finally gained some weight...2 whole pounds!!! IM almost 4 months pregnant and Ive only gained four pounds!! It all went to my boobs and tummy though so I guess thats OK hopefully it stays like that through my pregnancy....My sleepiness is wearing off and so is the nauseousnos so Im back to my old gym routine.......EVERYDAY!!!! it makes me feel good though so its worth it...Ive been swimming alot too..I dont really talk to anyone anymore except April cuz shes the only friend who actually takes the time to call me and just say "hi" or ya know just talk!!!! So i probably talk alot when i call her or she calls me cuz i have noone else besides eric to talk to, and i dont wanna bore him everyday with how fat my ass looks or how bad my hair looks, or just girl stuff like that.....BUt Im doing really good in my summer school class so i think passing algebra is finally gonna be a done deal. AMen......anywho,Larrissa came down to visit and she got a new tattoo and then got her boob-too added on to and it loooks hella tight..im jealous! I wish i could getta freaking taatttto!!!! Yea if u havent seen the movie click yea u need to put that shit on your TO DO list cuz that shit is a knee slapper...even though the middle of it made me cry but hey im just emotional...I get teary eyed over bank commercials now...so yea....welll I guess thats all for now peace love n chicken grease

my boyfriend has an afro.....
Audra got beat up...
My tummy is starting to geet pudgy...
And I love my eric black hehehee